Lately, I have been feeling very grateful. Grateful for this beautiful life, surrounded by such a special community, both near and far. Grateful for my family and friends for so much love, support and inspiration. Grateful for Allay and all the pieces that come with it. Grateful for a sense of peace and clarity that seemed to elude me for so long in the aftermath of my miscarriage. Grateful for the process. As we re-enter our fertility journey filled with intramuscular shots, unknowns and lots of waiting, I have been feeling strong, ready, and most of all, open. And for this, I have felt overwhelmingly grateful.
But, the last few days, I have been feeling a little off. A little more easily annoyed. A little more susceptible to mindless time wasting. Basically, a little more anxious :). And, consequently, I have found myself being extremely judgmental of these feelings and my inability to hold on to that “good place.”
But, today something funny happened. I don’t know what made me do it, but all of a sudden, standing alone in my kitchen, I just said aloud, “I’m having a rough day. Yep, that’s where I am right now.” And, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
In almost every class that I teach, I talk about accepting what is, without judgment, without wishing it were different or that you could hold on to it forever. But, just noticing what comes up and saying to yourself, “yep, that’s how that feels right now.”
It’s one thing to do this on the mat, especially when someone is reminding you, but it’s another, very powerful thing to realize it is a part of you, it is part of how you look at and respond to life and it is something you can do for yourself.
It makes sense that I’m anxious. This is hard. And, let’s be honest, shooting yourself up with hormones doesn’t necessarily put you in a better state of mind. But, it is what it is. It’s where I am right now. It won’t be this way forever. And, knowing this, I don’t have to waste time trying to make it different. In this moment, I accept. My practice is working. And, for that I am grateful.
Do you find parts of your practice infiltrating your everyday life? How?